I couldn’t resist a little gentle social satire in response to the government announcement that wood burners are to be criminalised. What? They’re not? Oh, well THAT spoils the joke…
The Flames of Protest
I’m not the type who likes to preach
But wellness is a creed I teach:
Health of body, health of spirit,
Health of mind and health of planet.
I’m virtually vegan now,
Or near as dammit, anyhow.
It really is the way to go –
My yoga teacher told me so.
Alcohol is in the past.
Two days out of five we fast.
Glowing from our latest purge,
We rise above each baser urge.
I’ve ditched the coffee and PG,
My body now is toxin-free,
So, fizzing with new energy,
I read the news and sip green tea.
There’s talk of cleaning up the air –
A cause for which I deeply care –
Now that our polluted breath
Is the fourth highest cause of death,
And so the time for change is here.
I feel like I’m a pioneer!
Each of us must take a hit,
And we already do our bit –
Recycling with a fine precision,
Shunning plastic’s our religion.
At the checkout I throw back
The products that are over-packed.
We’ve stepped our flying down a gear –
We just jet off three times a year:
Half-term ski trip, summer sun,
New York shops – like everyone.
We’ve switched to a much cleaner car,
But now, I fear, they’ve gone too far:
The government has set its sight
On burning wood – that can’t be right!
It’s not just that we like the style
Of tiled hearths in our Georgian pile,
We need log fires to fight the chill
And stop us all from falling ill.
That’s the drawback if, like me,
You boast a listed property.
I can’t help feeling victimised,
In fact, I’m rather traumatised.
I think I’ll have to make a fuss.
It’s just not fair to those of us
Whose draughty homes lack insulation,
Truly – it’s discrimination!
If they won’t heed my rants and wails
I’ll chain myself up to the rails,
Or head off for the nearest course
And hurl myself beneath a horse.
I said it when that Mr Gove
First threatened my wood burning stove,
And now that dictatorial swarm
Will ban my means of keeping warm
I’ll march against a government
That metes out such mean punishment
Against the home fires’ friendly smoke
Of decent, law-abiding folk.